I know I’m boring. I know it would be much more exciting if I was actually excited about the New Year, but really what’s the big deal? It’s just another day. You have your parties and have a great time. Enjoy the fireworks, if that is what happens in your part of the world, but me? I’ll hopefully sleep through it.
So with that bah humbug attitude I won’t give you another ‘2012 highlights’ post. I’m sure there will be lots of those, and good on the bloggers who take the time to look back. Actually this will probably be my shortest blog ever.
As for New Year’s Resolutions, I don’t do that either. Maybe I’d be more focussed and maybe I’d achieve more but hey, I’m happy (and that’s an achievement). I’m just going to keep taking one day at a time.
Some of the content in this link I’m about to give might be a bit corny but basically it just demonstrates that there are still good people in this world. Many of them. What’s more there are good people doing great things. Some of them get noticed and recognised, but many more just go on being great human beings, behind the scenes. In a year there is so much heartache and tragedy, far too much to mention, but no matter how awful it is there are still good people doing great things. That’s what I’m celebrating (while I sleep through the New Year).
“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it–always.”
I realise I might be in the minority, but why should that stop me?
Why have we been ‘celebrating’ Christmas in November?
Christmas is not November, even if those of you who are American think it follows directly after Thanksgiving. It doesn’t. Christmas is not until December 25 (do you like how I wrote that the US way?), so let’s put all the decorations, trees, special music, gift-wrapped parcels and reindeers, and stress away for a few weeks. They are surplus to requirements. Really, they are.
And yes, I have a serious attitude problem when it comes to Christmas. No apologies. It’s just how it is.
We’re just into December now so I can almost live with a few of these merry things (although not in my house) but really… do we have to have a whole month of Christmas?
You can partially blame my brother for my aversion. He’s a ‘Christmas 12 months a year’ kind of guy. Gotta love him! He’s perfectly ‘normal’ apart from that (he paid me to say that!) but he’s thinks it’s perfectly normal to have Christmas music on the radio all year round as well as have a decorated tree (and not a small one either) in his lounge all year. You think I’m joking? I’m not, although thankfully that little addiction got knocked out of him soon into his marriage. It was ‘me or the Christmas tree’… and thankfully she won (and I love her for it to this day).
All that aside though, I admit I come into this time of year with complete dread. It is all about stress. Here’s some of the things that Christmas seems to be about:
Isn’t that enough?. All those things put together spell molotov cocktail to me, and I hate it.
At my end of the world, Christmas spells ‘the great New Zealand shut down’… of everything. It is summer here now, and schools finish for the year in a couple of weeks, through until the end of January. Everything shutting down is fine if you’re one of those ‘shutting down’ but my life just carries on. I don’t have a holiday. Some people choose to think that my life is one big holiday. It’s not, but wouldn’t it be nice to take off for the beach for a few weeks? I can’t actually remember the last time I did that.
Christmas is all about kids, and that’s great… for the kids, and maybe their parents. For me, apart from a wide range of stuffed animals and vintage dolls, I don’t have kids so tend to go through the season feeling like a square peg in a round hole. It’s not that I want to have kids (I written about that before), but I just don’t fit in a celebration that is about kids.
I love my family… individually, and in small doses. On mass, I’m not so keen. Actually I have felt anti-family celebrations for as long as I can remember. I thought for a while that it was just a teenage fad and I would grow out of it, but actually the older I get the worse I feel about such gatherings.
One thing is that there are general conversations about what we have ‘achieved’ since we last saw each other. Plu-eese! That’s all very nice if you have the typical type of achievements, but writing a blog about mental health recovery while supporting peers with mental illnesses just doesn’t seem to be up there with the big pay rises or the latest acquisitions, let alone what your off-spring have managed to achieve across the year. I try not to measure myself against others, but it does seem that what I count as an achievement (like actually making to Christmas dinner and not suffering in bed for the day with fibro fog) just doesn’t seem to cut it.
I should say that my family aren’t great capitalists who only value monetary achievement, but still I just don’t think I belong. Actually I would much rather me helping out at the local Christmas Dinner for the homeless. That would suit me perfectly, but there were huge objections that last time I tried to suggest that’s what I was going to do.
My Dad (who died last year) used to be my ally in family gatherings. For me, he made them bearable (although he was also the one that strongly objected to the homeless Christmas) and actually often the only reason I went was to keep him happy. Now he’s gone and I struggle. This year I am likely to be required to drive my mother to Christmas dinner. Hmm. That seems my role in the family now.
Last week I went without groceries because I mis-calculated my budget, thanks to a few extra visits to the doctor, and didn’t have enough to pay my therapist for November. Groceries were one thing I could be flexible on, and I got by, and the bill got paid. But this time of year is simply horrendous in terms of money, and my stress levels are mounting already.
For some years now I have limited myself to buying presents for my nieces and nephews only. There are only six of them but still… So far I have bought presents for two of them, and I’m trying to work out what I can get away with for the others. I am fortunate that some of my family understand this, but I think others struggle to understand the realities of living on the smell of an oily rag.
My only hope at this stage is that ‘the great New Zealand shut-down’ I mentioned applies to my therapist too. He gets to have a holiday. The only good thing about that is that I do not have to pay him while he has his holiday, and with some careful juggling and balancing I might just be able to pull through. Please God!
And if all that weren’t enough, anyone with a history of eating disorders will tell you that Christmas is a complete nightmare for us. Everything revolves around food. Whether it’s a Christmas barbeque on the beach, or a full turkey Christmas dinner with trimmings, there is no escaping the focus on food.
Let’s not forget the presents of food. If you learn nothing from this post, and I accept that’s a possibility, please learn this. Never give presents of food to a person with a history of eating disorders. Never. YOu thik it encourages us to eat? It doesn’t. It just worsens the nightmare battle in our heads to have to deal with these gifts.
So am I completely negative about Christmas? Not really. I can see other people love it. I think it’s a love or hate thing, and I come down on the ‘hate’ side. For those who enjoy it, I say go for it. Just leave me out of it. And do we really have to have a whole month of it?
To lighten things up, I’ll finish with what is probably my favourite of all ‘Christmas music’.
“Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer…. Who’d have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously? ”