Poison In, Poison Out

I’ve taken a break from Facebook for a while.  I’ll still keep my page (Infinite Sadness or what?)active but my personal profile is what I’m taking a break from.

I love my Facebook friends.  Some of them are friends from way back, or family, and some are wonderful people I have got to know and love through of Facebook.  But sometimes what I see on Facebook is too negative, and this time I have decided that it was affecting my health and I should take a short break.  Just enough to gain my perspective back.

Why do I need this?  You may well ask.  Facebook has some wonderful features to it, but lately I’ve seen too much bitterness, hatred, intolerance, judgement and hurt.  When I see too much of it, it starts to seep in and run me down.  It comes from lots of sources.  Some completely unknown to me, although appearing on my newsfeed anyway, and some closer to home.

I know there is also a lot of positive material on Facebook, and that’s why I put so much time into my page, but it’s hard to stay positive when that is being undermined.

The last few weeks have been pretty hard for me.  That’s not just from one source but a number of unrelated issues in my life.  My depressed mood has, in some cases, spun that out of proportion to the point where I was crying over the bowl my canine mate, Duncan needed to eat his dinner.  Yes,really.

Those issues, and my depressed mood have contributed to a flare up of my fibromyalgia symptoms.  That’s not unexpected for me.  I strongly believe that my fibro is affected by my emotions and my state of mind.  I know most sufferers disagree with this theory, and that’s fine.  It is however proven in my mind that my emotions influence the level of physical pain and fatigue I experience.

Last night after a day of bad nerve pain which was addling my brain, I accidentally took the wrong medication.  This wasn’t an intentional overdose, nor was it a suicide attempt.  It was simply that my mind wasn’t on the job when I was getting my medication for the night, and I got it wrong.  Stupid really, but it happened.

The night that followed was full of nightmares, and at one stage a belief that I was plummeting toward psychosis.  Actually I was terrified.  It was one pill I wasn’t supposed to have (with the others) and I was pretty unwell.

Today I am fine and I am reminded that when we put poison in, the outcome is also poison.  The poison that time was nightmares and a general ‘I’m going crazy‘ notion.  But it ties in with what I said about Facebook.  When I feed my mind with too much negativity from Facebook, then I feel that negativity.  I simply don’t want to go there and I certainly don’t want to end up generating more.

It is really important to me to be there for my friends, but if I don’t take care of myself then I can be no use to anyone else.  Whether that is conveyed in depressed mood, fibro symptoms, taking the wrong medication or anything else.  I have to look after me.

The ‘garbage in, garbage out’ theory is one I am well aware of from a nutritional basis.  I admit I’m not too good at following it, but I know how it works.  My mother was a dietitian after all, and I have had an eating disorder.

It’s the same for emotions.  If I don’t feed myself with good messages, then I get sick.  That’s not something I want.

“Nourishing yourself in a way that helps you blossom in the direction you want to go is attainable, and you are worth the effort.” 

― Deborah Day

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21 thoughts on “Poison In, Poison Out

  1. I think i understand , i’ve made a conscious decision not be on facebook .And blogging / reading blogs on wordpress and tumblr makes me be myself , on tumblr there are a lot of blogs of people who are in the recovery phase and their blog consists of quotes on healing , moving on (http://just-rise-again.tumblr.com/ ) etc. .And after being on these platforms sometimes facebook feels too superficial – just faces and not the pain behind them http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/facebook-depression .

    1. Actually that’s a interesting point you make. Because of the things I have been involved in on Facebook I have seen a lot of expression of pain along with support for people who have no other means of getting it. There are always limitations, and I agree that the advantage of blogs is that mostly there is more focus on recovery. I guess it comes down to different mediums reach and suit different people, and that has to be a good thing.

      1. Thanks for sharing, Cate .I guess my biased- opinion was from my short stint few yrs ago on facebook where i found only vacation and marriage updates , so i opted out of it .You are right – different mediums for different people 🙂

  2. Yes, you have to look after you. Always bugs me how few people remember the ten commandments says to love others AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF. You have to do that first.

    Love yourself, be good to you. Don’t fret the what ifs, what nots… just be kind to you.

    1. Oh me too. That commandment tripped me up for many years, mostly because of the way I was taught it as a child. If we all learnt and practised that one the world would be a much nicer place.

  3. Yes, Cate, I completely understand where you are coming from. It’s good to recognise the things that don’t help keep us in a positive frame of mind. I seem to be one of only a few people who cannot stand Facebook. Other people’s nonsense churning through the newsfeed can be soul destroying.

    I hope you start to feel better real soooon

    1. Actually I think there’s a whole lot of people using Facebook, who can’t stand it. It’s just you refuse to be drawn in. And good on you. I have a love/hate attitude to it. There is some really good stuff going on there (if you dig) but it is ruined by (probably) the few. For a long time I was running MH support groups (one for BPD sufferers and one for people recovering from self harm). They were really useful for people, although always at the risk of being undermined by trolls. I’m out of that now but I know a lot who have found such support very helpful.

  4. I know all too well how negative and stupid facebook can be, so I understand wanting to remove yourself for a while (though you may be back now?). I’m happy your Infinite Sadness or… page is not going away for even a short time. You do such a wonderful job of putting uplifting content there, I’d for sure miss it.

    And, yes, by all means, nourish yourself. Ms. Day is spot-on.

    1. Thanks Sid, It didn’t last as long as I thought it would. I found that I felt completely cut off and that didn’t do my state of mind any good. So I’m back but just being careful about what I read. 🙂

  5. Alison Pearce

    I am taking a break from my Facebook page for similar reasons Cate. I am currently looking at other promotional opportunities, signed up for Twitter, and found you again! So many things were being hidden from and of me. Be well ♥

    1. Hi Alison, It makes me sad that it is so difficult to get our stuff out to people. I hope you can find some news ways as I love your art, and it would be a shame not to see it. ❤

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