As often happens, I was going to write about something totally different today. It will have to wait. Why? Because today, through another blog that I follow, I learnt of the suicide of a young woman. She wasn’t someone I knew, but she was a fellow WordPress blogger. For some reason, and perhaps because of the tragedy of a suicide leaving a grieving husband and child, I felt drawn to read the story told by one of her friends.
If you want to read it, the link is contained in the Related Articles below. That said, it is a disturbing read. I don’t feel comfortable going into much detail myself out of respect for someone I didn’t know. It is her story, and that of her friends. It’s not my story to tell.
That said, one of the things this young woman struggled with in recent days is the judgement of her readers. It left her feeling like she didn’t have a place to tell her story anymore.
I guess it really made me think after a conversation I was part of earlier today about that very issue. The tendency of us human beings to judge others. No matter what religion you might follow, there are instructions that we do not judge other people. The one I know best is
“Let the one who has never fallen,
throw the first stone”
In other words, s/he who has done no wrong, is the only one who can judge.
When I published my book, Infinite Sadness, I came under attack from a few who felt they could judge the things I had done and the decisions I had made. I knew it was one of the risks I faced in telling my story, particularly under my own name. I had already been judged by a few when those things I wrote about actually happened. Because some people just want to think they are better than anyone else.
We’re not. It doesn’t matter who we are, what we believe, or what we do… we don’t deserve to be judged ever. A quote from the story I read hit me quite hard:
“Humanity is not perfect. We are people who screw-up. The worst of the worst come from us. However, the fact is, that the best of the best exists in us too. It is this that God sees. It is this that God understands.” (1.)
I’m not someone who chooses to talk about God, or any other figurehead of religion. My beliefs in that respect are personal to me, and I don’t see the need to put them unnecessarily on others. That said, I believe that ‘God’ can take all sorts of forms for different people, and that’s how I think about it in terms of what was written.
Whoever I choose to believe is ‘God’ has an understanding and acceptance of both my, and your goodness. That’s what matters to me. And it’s not my role to intrude on that and judge another’s good or bad. It’s none of my business.
Maybe that’s a simplistic approach for some people but it’s not only about how I treat others, but how I hope others treat me.
This young woman who took her life a few days ago was judged by readers of her blog. It actually blows my mind simply because I have never felt anything like that from readers in the time I have been blogging. Being judged is something I often fear, but it’s never something I’ve experienced through my blog. It’s more than sobering that the judgment she received stopped her in her tracks. Writing was part of her healing process, but she lost that ability. It’s more than tragic, it’s something for all of us to think about. I am confident she was a flower, as much as any of us.
“Once in a golden hour,
I cast to earth a seed,
And up there grew a flower,
That others called a weed.”
― Alfred Tennyson