For some time now I have been wishing for more than 24 hours in the day because I simply didn’t have enough time to do everything I needed to. Add on top of that a general decline in mental health and a serious ‘falling off the cliff’ in terms of physical health, and I’ve been struggling to cope.
I’ve said before that I have been behind in my reading. That’s mostly because I just don’t have the ability to concentrate at the moment. If you think I’ve given up following your blog, it’s not true. Actually I am appalled to find that I have over 500 posts sitting in my inbox waiting to be read. There’s no way I’m going to get through those, is there?
As more time is spent in bed, or lying on the couch I came to the conclusion that it was time to cut back. Reluctantly I have had to let go of the online support groups I was running. One has now been handed over to a friend to run and I am still arranging something for the other. If necessary, it will be closed.
I feel really sad to be doing this but I simply don’t have the energy to run the groups as I want them to run. It was important to me that they were focussed on recovery and management of illness, rather than simply a place to vent (as many online groups are). To do that effectively means being actively involved every day and I found myself with less, and less energy to do this.
Time to cut back and look after me. I know so well that if I can’t adequately look after me then I can’t possibly hope to look after others. I know this, but sometimes I need the reminder so thanks to those who helped me see that this was necessary.
I was brought up to put others before myself. While this is an admirable goal (I guess) it’s not a healthy one. It trips me up time and time again, because I forget that actually I am important here and my wellbeing matters.
PS. I’m on day six of quitting the cigarettes cold turkey. Actually while there is pain, it’s not as bad as my last attempt in September, so I’m thankful for that. But I still want a smoke, and I am so over mints. They’ve completely lost their excitement, if they ever had some in the first place.
“The only thing a cat worries about is what’s happening right now. As we tell the kittens, you can only wash one
paw at a time.”
― Lloyd Alexander, Time Cat