Time To Cut Back

For some time now I have been wishing for more than 24 hours in the day because I simply didn’t have enough time to do everything I needed to.  Add on top of that a general decline in mental health and a serious ‘falling off the cliff’ in terms of physical health, and I’ve been struggling to cope.

I’ve said before that I have been behind in my reading.  That’s mostly because I just don’t have the ability to concentrate at the moment.  If you think I’ve given up following your blog, it’s not true.  Actually I am appalled to find that I have over 500 posts sitting in my inbox waiting to be read.  There’s no way I’m going to get through those, is there?

As more time is spent in bed, or lying on the couch I came to the conclusion that it was time to cut back.  Reluctantly I have had to let go of the online support groups I was running.  One has now been handed over to a friend to run and I am still arranging something for the other.  If necessary, it will be closed.

I feel really sad to be doing this but I simply don’t have the energy to run the groups as I want them to run.  It was important to me that they were focussed on recovery and management of illness, rather than simply a place to vent (as many online groups are).  To do that effectively means being actively involved every day and I found myself with less, and less energy to do this.

Time to cut back and look after me.  I know so well that if I can’t adequately look after me then I can’t possibly hope to look after others.  I know this, but sometimes I need the reminder so thanks to those who helped me see that this was necessary.

I was brought up to put others before myself.  While this is an admirable goal (I guess) it’s not a healthy one.  It trips me up time and time again, because I forget that actually I am important here and my wellbeing matters.

PSI’m on day six of quitting the cigarettes cold turkey.  Actually while there is pain, it’s not as bad as my last attempt in September, so I’m thankful for that.  But I still want a smoke, and I am so over mints.  They’ve completely lost their excitement, if they ever had some in the first place.

“The only thing a cat worries about is what’s happening right now. As we tell the kittens, you can only wash one
paw at a time.” 

―    Lloyd Alexander,    Time Cat


11 thoughts on “Time To Cut Back

  1. You said it Cate “Time to cut back and look after me.” Do it! Nurture yourself and give yourself the space you need. Will look forward to catching up with you when you’re rested and revived 🙂 ((hug))

  2. John Richardson

    Taking care of yourself first is the right decision. God Bless and glad you’re doing so well on quitting smoking. Have a great week!

  3. Time for you is the best possible thing you can do….at least that’s what I’m told. I’m going try it out starting next week. It’s wonderful the the quitting those crap cigarettes are working out. Well done. Go you! I tell you what. If you really do end up cutting it out cold turkey then as soon as I get the meds regulated, I am going to try it too. Your strength inspires me to be stronger. Again, GO YOU!!! much love and support from my end of the world.

  4. I am sorry to hear that Cate but I understand and it is a hard decision I know but the right one for you. Part of the battle with this illness is recognising when we need to take more care, reduce the load to help the physical. When we see the signals of worsening symptoms as you describe that is the warning and if we don’t listen then we can end up even in a worse physical slump that will take longer to come back up from. Bitter experience as taught me that. It is hard though especially when we have to give up even temporarily activities/projects we are passionate about. I used to be heavily involved as chairperson of a group supporting an orphanage in Kenya. I had to give that up much to my upset and frustration-it was a loss. I still keep up with the group but my involvement is almost nil now due to my health making it that way-not out of choice. You can’t describe/explain to someone who has never experienced their world becoming smaller and smaller due to illness. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. I too have had to spend more days in bed and today I am on my third day of PJ days-wearing a hat to hide my hair as I am too ill to even shower-couch days or bed. I hold the hope tomorrow will be better. I hope you will find this time of more rest/reduced activity helps to bring a lift in your symptoms and you will soon be able to read for longer and catch up on the activities you were/are part of. Take care.

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