WTF! How Old Am I?

I have this bad habit of thinking I’m still in my twenties.  I think I can be forgiven for that because my life as I knew it came to a stop at 28, and when I woke up from that mental health nightmare I found I was in my forties.  My friends were becoming grandmothers and that just completely freaked me out.  I had intended to have children of my own in my thirties, but now somehow we had skipped a generation.

If you read my last post you’ll know why there isn’t a picture of me on here so that you can decide for yourself.  I have good reasons but also I have somewhat of a fear of photos of myself.  I think it’s part of the denial of my age, combined with some serious body image issues that created an eating disorder.  I find it is just easier on my mental health if I avoid photos of myself.  But it seems important to add that I don’t have quite the cleavage of the lady in the picture

This week I saw some photos of a friend I haven’t seen for a very long time.  She is my age.  There’s no denying that but I looked at the photos (as nice as they were) and wondered do I look as old as she does?  Surely not.  I mean no offence to my friend.  She looked beautiful, but she looked… well, middle-aged.  And surely I don’t look middle-aged?  Do I?  Yes I know things have kind of drooped, in a way that I’m not happy about.  But I am far from ready to accept that title.

In my mind I am still young.  And I promise you that I am not wearing a mini skirt as I type.  I do realise I’m not young enough for those anymore.  But middle-aged?  Grandmotherly?  No, I had enough trouble getting my mind around being told by a friend recently that I am motherly.  Surely not!  Please don’t suggest that.

No, I think I’m going to stay in denial and think I am 28 forever.  That sounds like something Dr Suess would say but I frankly, I don’t care.

“There is the satisfaction of providing your public with a vision of true beautology,
 true stylisity, – how can I put it? – true glamorositude.”

Miss Piggy

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6 thoughts on “WTF! How Old Am I?

  1. I couldn’t believe my age when I came out on the other side of my emotional/mental breakdown. I had always looks so much younger than my age of thirty and then all of a sudden I looked like a worn out rag. But I have did what I could with what I have and with time, things lind of tried to fall into place or close anyway. But when Im not looking in the mirror, I still think Im that thirty year old wild girl lol.

  2. I was shocked when my daughter and her husband announced their first pregnancy almost six years ago. NO WAY! I was not old enough (wise enough, generous enough, healthy enough) to be a grandmother.

    And although I am still not well enough to be a grandma, my granddaughters think their “Nana” is someone special. I am so grateful that, although I am not as healthy and active as my own mom these days, “the girls” are happy with the only Nana they have ever known.

    While I see the winkles in my face and neck forming, the girls only see the love we share.
    So it should be with all our relationships – based on love, and not on how droopy, stretched, painful, or dysfunctional our body parts become.

    While many days I feel like an “old lady,” she really only lives in the pain-filled part of my brain. The rest of the time I am still in my twenties and wonder how everyone around me got so old!

    Thanks for your posts!

    1. Thank you so much for your comments. I like it a lot. Actually I love it and that even though you might not have been ready to be a grandmother, that your grandchildren are obviously ready for you. As for the rest of the population, yes, how did they get so old? 🙂

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