Fibro Backlash

It has been a rough week, and in my thinking of what this week involves I’ve still got Sunday to come (although I admit I am one of those that thinks the new week starts on Sunday!).  The week has been steadily going down hill for a number of reasons, some of which I have previously mentioned in earlier posts.  I’m not willing to go down any further this week, so tomorrow will just have to take me as it finds me.  There have been a number of things stressing me out this week.  That has included family issues, money constraints, helping friends who were having a hard time, dealing with a reawakened grief I feel over my father’s death last year, frustration over my limited ability to get things done… just to name a few.  In the back of my head was the thought that if I wasn’t careful this would all come back to smack me in the head.  It has.

Thursday was particularly stressful in dealing with all the things I’ve mentioned and by the end of the day I could feel my chest had tightened up and there was a slight, but nagging pain.  I learnt over the last 18 months that this is an indicator to me that I need to slow down (even further) and take it easy.  Don’t panic, I did have it checked out and an ECG was done about a year ago confirming to my doctor that my heart really is okay and that this is an indicator of stress for me now.  That said, the reason I went to the doctor was that my father died from heart disease and I was scared I was going the same way.  My doctor reckons I’m not, I’m holding out on my decision and just being careful.

Anyway back to the week.  Thursday night, as well as the chest discomfort (the word pain seems alarming!), my body was aching and I had the familiar fibro ache at the base of my skull.  It feels like someone has whacked me around the back of the head with a ‘four by two’.  Apparently most of us fibro fighters share this symptom at times.  I went to bed with some dread of how the next morning would be.

Sure enough Friday morning I felt worse than ever (in my admittedly short experience of fibromyalgia).  Everything ached, I was dizzy and my head, while sore felt stuffed with wool.  Sensibly I took what I considered an easy route including a long sleep in the afternoon.  When I woke up things were worse again.  More pain (but I’m getting used to that) but this feeling like every nerve in my body was standing on end and receiving an electrical current through them.  If I remained perfectly still it was bearable but every tiny movement was a shock through my body.  I’ve had this before but strangely only on waking.  Consequently I don’t like waking anymore.  Can you blame me?

Image via Your Reason to Laugh

Friday night and I was back in bed at 6.30pm.  What a life I have!  I had a restless sleep, waking regularly.  I finally got up at 3.00am and watched the television (a previously recorded movie).  Again, scared to go back to sleep, I went because I was exhausted.  BTW that’s one weird thing with my fibro (and I say mine because everyone’s experience of this condition is different) is that I think I will feel better if I go to sleep but waking up is just such torture that I’m really not sure why I do it.  I have yet to work that one out, but sometimes I just hold off the sleep because I can’t face the waking torture.

And today?  I have been a complete write-off.  I have spent most of the day in bed dozing.  I was meant to be at some family activities (and I’m meant to be there now) but it is quite beyond me.  Everything (and I mean everything) aches and that ‘four by two’ has been at my head again.  I’m dizzy as anything and I know I wouldn’t be safe to drive.  I am sitting here telling you about it not because I need sympathy (but I do like flowers! :-)) but because:

1. I can’t lie in my bed any longer.  I needed a break in another room;

2. You might think I’d disappeared; and

3. More importantly I just need to tell you that this illness is a shocker.  I know who can compare one illness from another, but I had no idea that when my body decided to malfunction and turn stress into physical pain, that the result would be quite like this.

Like I said earlier I am simply not prepared to get even worse tomorrow.  I have things to do and a very special man to remember.  So it’s nearly 6.30pm on a Saturday night and I’m off to bed again.

And this is for my Dad who died one year ago... and would have still made me laugh.
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8 thoughts on “Fibro Backlash

  1. I’m so incredibly sorry that you are having to go through this awful pain, Cate!! I never understood what Fibromyalgia was until I started reading what you have to go through!! I pray that God will bless your body and give you more and more times of relief from pain and that the length of those times will increase, so that eventually you will be set free from pain!! This is my prayer for you right now!! In Jesus’ name!!

  2. Pingback: This Is Getting On My Nerves | Infinite Sadness… or hope?

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